Single father George Altman is doing his best to raise his sixteen-year-old daughter Tessa in the big city. When he discovers a box of condoms in her bedroom, though, he decides the time has come to move her to a more wholesome and nurturing environment: the suburbs. But behind the beautiful homes and perfect lawns lurk the Franken-moms, spray tans, nose jobs, and Red Bull-guzzling teens who have nothing in common with Tessa. It’s a whole new world, one that makes George wonder if they haven’t jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.
The Chatterer : When George joins the PTA, he becomes well-liked by all the moms, which has Shelia (Ana Gasteyer) feeling threatened. Meanwhile, Tessa joins the school newspaper and with some help, turns it into a tabloid-style paper.
Don't Call Me Shirley : When Shelia's Shirley Temple doll collection is stolen, Tessa can't help but be amused, until she faces the consequences. Meanwhile, afraid of being burglarized, Dallas and Dalia stay at the Altman's house.
Halloween : Tessa channels her inner "suburban girl" for a Halloween costume, but it ends up spooking her friends and everyone at school since she reminds them of a recently "departed" resident of Chatswin. And George is determined to prove to Halloween-hater Dallas that being scared can be fun, but gets a scare of his own when Steven Royce (guest star Jay Mohr), Dallas' husband, finally comes home from one of his many business trips.
Charity Case : Irritated by all the cafeteria waste at school, Tessa motivates the student body to get involved with giving back. Unfortunately their charity of choice involves helping residents of Florida improve their complexions. When Tessa introduces a homeless transsexual to the student body as part of a lesson, they decide that Tessa is really the person in need. Meanwhile George receives a large dental bill from Noah, which puts a strain on their relationship.
Sweet Sixteen : When Tessa tells Dallas that she wants a simple get together for her sixteenth birthday, Dallas convinces her to let Dalia plan the ultimate birthday extravaganza at the country club, complete with a live performance by her favorite band, specialty drinks and go-go cages. Meanwhile George throws his back out and Sheila Shay takes it upon herself to care for him, even though George is terrified of her.
Thanksgiving : Depressed that she has to spend Thanksgiving in the suburbs, Tessa convinces Dallas to take her to the city for a girls' day out. During their fun day, they run across George making out with a woman while he was supposed to be "working." Angry with George for lying to her, Tessa confronts him during the Royces' Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile Lisa refuses to wear a special dress Sheila picked out for her, so Sheila decides to literally turn up the heat.
The Nutcracker : When Tessa overhears George break up with his girlfriend, Zoe, on Skype, she blames herself for his failed relationship and decides that she's going to get them back together. Unbeknownst to her, though, George is really enamored with Tessa's cute art teacher, Aimee. He admits to Mr. Wolfe that he's over dating crazy city women, and that he's looking for love in the burbs. George decides to embrace the holiday spirit with a tree trimming party complete with ex-girlfriend, potential new girlfriend and the Royces, and he soon finds himself under the mistletoe with a special someone.
Driving Miss Dalia : When Tessa gets her driver's license, Dalia hires her to drive her around to stalk her crush, Scott Strauss. As a result Tessa realizes that she and Scott might have feelings for each other. Meanwhile George and Noah's relationship is put to the test when George decides he wants to join the local country club.
Out in the Burbs : When Tessa is asked to show new guy Josh Sherman around school, she becomes convinced that he's gay, when in fact he's an undercover narcotics officer. Lisa becomes deeply infatuated with Josh, and Tessa inadvertly convinces Mr. Wolfe to make special announcement to the student body. Meanwhile George re-evaluates his relationship with Dallas.
The Casino Trip : When George wins an all expenses paid trip to Atlantic City, he enlists Noah, Fred, Tom and Alex, and it turns into a getaway with the guys. During their trip they run into Steven Royce (who is supposed to be in Singapore), and they help Fred cope with his gambling problem. Meanwhile Tessa tries to get some alone time with Scott Strauss.
Sex and the Suburbs : Tessa enjoys rubbing it in Dalia's face that Scott Strause chose her over Dalia. However the closer Tessa gets to Scott, the more nervous George becomes. When George discovers a box of XXL condoms that Lisa has given Tessa, he becomes obsessed and starts planning game night with her friends in hopes of keeping her at home more. Meanwhile Tessa soon discovers that the more time she spends with Scott, the less attracted to him she is.
The Body : When Tessa realizes that she's failing gym class, she decides to run for student body president in hopes of changing Chatswin High's obsession with sports. During the election, Lisa steps in as Tessa's campaign manager against Kenzie and Kaitlyn. Meanwhile, Ryan is injured during a wrestling match and finds himself mourned by his family, and George takes Ryan under his wing and introduces him to people who have moved forward from setbacks.
Fire with Fire : When Jill turns to the newly single Dallas for inspiration and support, her marriage to Noah goes on the rocks. Meanwhile Dallas begins spending a lot of time with her hot younger boyfriend, Yoni, which causes tension with George, and Dalia befriends Lisa to get back at Tessa for dating Scott Strauss -- so Tessa decides to take action and recruits Kimantha to make Dalia jealous.
Poetic Injustice : When Fred and Sheila strike up a croquet match with Dallas and George, Fred misreads Sheila's interest in George. Fred tells George that Sheila is fantasizing about him and asks him to seduce her. Meanwhile Tessa desperately wants to impress the new poetry teacher, Ms. Evans, but she seems to prefer Dalia's prose.
Independence Day : When George picks Tessa up late from school she decides to get a job working for Dallas in order to buy her own wheels. Meanwhile Dallas invites her sorority sisters to stay with her in order to celebrate the opening of her store, A Crystal Cup of Crystals; however her rival sorority sister, Tulsa, decides to crash the party.
Down Time : When Dallas's divorce is finalized, George becomes concerned and includes her in a shopping trip with Noah to buy a new mattress. Meanwhile Dalia makes a breakthrough in therapy with her psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Rohl (James Lipton), Lisa and Malik try to set up Tessa, and Ryan takes Tessa on a date.
Hear No Evil : As George and Eden's relationship gets serious, he decides to introduce her to Tessa, who is preoccupied with her job at Crystal Cup of Crystals. Meanwhile, George and Noah make a deal regarding George's relationship boundaries with Eden, and Eden is overwhelmed by Sheila's meddling and the Werners' overprotective behavior.
The Great Compromise : While Tessa tries to adjust to living with Eden, George takes issue with Eden's parenting; Lisa and Malik consider which camp they should attend.
Homecoming : Tessa returns to Chatswin after spending summer with her grandmother; George finds Tessa's renewed interest in her mother threatening; Tessa signs up for the Fall Follies; Noah and Dallas compete for Carmen.
The Witch of East Chatswin : When Tessa convinces Delia and her friends to think up feminist-inspired Halloween costumes, she attracts the attention of the Chatswin witch; Noah and George dress as each other; George misunderstands when Dallas asks him out.
Foam Finger : When Dalia abandons her friends Kimantha, Kenzie and Kaitlyn to hang out with her father's fiancee, her former pals turn to Lisa and Tessa; George and Dallas take their relationship to the next level.
Friendship Fish : George starts to feel comfortable in the suburbs after Dallas gives him a makeover; while Malik is away for a couple days, Lisa decides to spend every minute with Tessa.
Krampus : George assumes that Tessa will be thrilled to go on an excursion with her mother in New York, but Tessa finds herself missing Chatswin and her father; the Shay family is thrown into turmoil when Ryan finds out he was adopted.
Black Thai : When Dalia receives a new car after PSAT results are released, Tessa becomes obsessed with finding out Dalia's score; Jill and Noah ask Mr. Wolfe to tutor their baby.
Junior Secretary's Day : George has to manage Tessa's recovery after her wisdom teeth are removed and deal with Fred Shay, who has moved into their basement after a career setback; Dallas is insecure about her relationship with George.
Chinese Chicken : George starts to feel stifled when Dallas' efforts to promote his business go overboard; Tessa learns what life is like as a football player's girlfriend.
Body Talk : Dallas learns that part of her property is in East Chatswin, meaning she gets kicked out of the country club and Dalia must attend a neighboring high school. Meanwhile, Tessa is tapped to produce a Chatswin High TV show called “Teen Talk,” but worries about her new responsibility when Ryan becomes the show’s host.
Blowtox and Burlap : Tessa convinces Ryan to attend an art house movie with her on Valentine's Day; Sheila's mother, Gam Gam causes friction between Fred and Sheila; and when Dallas has a bad reaction to a cosmetic procedure, George has to enjoy an 18-course meal from renowned Chef Julio solo.
T-Ball & Sympathy : Tessa begins dispensing romantic advice—whether people ask for it or not—though her attempt to help Mr. Wolfe doesn’t work out so well. Meanwhile, George helps Dallas coach a T-ball team; and Noah and Dallas still can’t see eye to eye.
Leaving Chatswin : George is deeply affected when Marty passes away; after learning that Ryan has been dishonest, Tessa considers the future of their relationship and her plans for college.
How to Be a Baby : Dalia tries to help Mr. Wolfe recover from his breakup with chef Alan; George and Dallas are caught in the crossfire when Noah becomes convinced that Carmen is the love of his life.
Eat, Pray, Eat : When Dallas fears she will never compare to Alex, George's ex, she seeks solace in Jill Werner -- and carbs; Tessa thinks she has lost her youthful vigor; Noah uncovers a secret about his psychiatrist.
Brown Trembler : After Noah's divorce, George offers him and Opus a place to stay until they get back on their feet; Dallas realizes that Dalia is a hoarder; Fred asks Tessa to help him land his dream job.
Open Door Policy : When George lets himself go after the breakup, a worried Tessa calls on George's dad for help; Tessa learns Ryan will be bringing his new girlfriend home.
The Birds and the Biederman : When Dallas sees George at the dog park, she recruits Dalia to negotiate her territory in Chatswin, while Tessa has to represent George’s interests. Tessa notices that Lisa is spending a lot of time with Ryan’s girlfriend, June, and Fred is worried that Sheila is distancing herself.
Blame It on the Rain Stick : When Noah is released from a court mandated anger management program, George is shocked to find a docile Noah has replaced his former hot-headed friend. Shaken by the change, George decides to put the new Noah to the test. Meanwhile, Tessa ditches “senior tanning” and meets a cool new age band hanging out at the park. The free spirited music group isn’t exactly what they appear
About a Boy-Yoi-Yoing : When George becomes enamored with Chatswin’s latest hotspot…a juice bar, Tessa reminds him of their pact to not get sucked into Chatswin culture. This inspires George and Fred to take a trip to New York, which doesn’t turn out the way George had planned. Meanwhile, Tessa is pressured into attending Evan’s birthday party and reveals what she really thinks of him.
I'm Just Not That Into Me : When Tessa drags Malik and Lisa to a college party, she meets a male version of herself and becomes enamored. They see eye-to-eye on everything and it's almost the perfect relationship. Meanwhile, Dallas enlists a matchmaker to set her and Dalia up, but the matchmaker convinces Dallas to date herself and she decides to get back to basics with a new look.
Catch and Release : When Lisa decides to propose to Malik, Tessa isn’t sure how to support her friend and turns to George for advice. After Lisa’s proposal doesn’t go as planned, Tessa steps up and is inspired to fight for Ryan. Meanwhile, George believes his girlfriend Nora might be rude to her employees
The Ballad of Piggy Duckworth : When Dallas’s mother passes away, she recruits Tessa to take a trip to the South with her to attend the funeral. During the trip, Dallas confronts her rivalry with her sister and her feelings toward her mother. Meanwhile, George, Noah and Fred go on a grouper that results in a stalker for Fred
No, You Can't Sit With Us : Tessa decides to mentor young social outcast in the Miss Chatswin pageant to make a statement; Victor goes missing while on a camping trip with George, Noah and Fred.
Dalia Nicole Smith : When Dalia is rejected from the only college she applied to, Dallas is determined to help her daughter find her calling; George and Tessa go on a double date.
Les Lucioles : Tessa struggles with the budget while planning Lisa and Malik's wedding; June warns Tessa to stay away from Ryan; Malik turns to George when his family decides to boycott the wedding; Sheila gives Lisa advice.
Stiiiiiiill Horny : When Tessa joins a knitting circle, the age of her new friends surprises George; George writes a song dedicated to his muse; Malik and Lisa bicker.
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