Set in Texas, this animated series follows the life of propane salesman Hank Hill, who lives with his overly confident substitute Spanish teacher wife Peggy, wannabe comedian son Bobby, and naive niece Luanne. Hank has conservative views about God, family, and country, but his values and ethics are often challenged by the situations he, his family, and his beer-drinking neighbors/buddies find themselves in.
Pilot : Middle-class Texan Hank Hill blows his top when an overzealous social worker accuses him of child abuse after rumors about his son's black eye get out of hand.
The Order of the Straight Arrow : A camping trip with Bobby's scout troop leaves Hank griping after the boy clubs an endangered bird during a faux hunt. Meanwhile, Peggy embarks on a mysterious quest.
Luanne's Saga : When Luanne breaks up with Buckley, Hank takes it upon himself to pick up the pieces of his niece's broken heart, only to be left fuming when she makes a play for Boomhauer.
Hank's Unmentionable Problem : A concerned Peggy inadvertently spreads the word about Hank's bout with constipation, leaving her husband flushed with embarrassment.
Westie Side Story : The Hills' new Laotian neighbors cause Peggy and Hank confusion and consternation after a culture clash leads to suspicion over a missing dog.
Peggy the Boggle Champ : Peggy and Hank head to Dallas so Peggy can compete in a boggle tournament, but Hank decides to forego the tournament in order to attend a lawnmower expo.
Keeping Up with Our Joneses : Hank and Peggy's love of cigarettes is rekindled after Hank catches Bobby smoking, but Luanne is determined to nip their habit in the butt.
How to Fire a Rifle Without Really Trying : When Bobby discovers the one sport he is good at, marksmanship, he and Hank decide to enter a father & son tournament. As it turns out Hank is a terrible marksman.
Jumpin' Crack Bass (It's a Gas, Gas, Gas) : In an effort to catch more fish than his friends, Hank decides to buy special "bait" from a street vendor. He soon finds himself in trouble with the law.
The Son That Got Away : Bobby and Connie get in trouble at school. They skirt their ensuing punishment and are joined by Joseph, as they head to "The Caves". Hank and Kahn quickly pursue them, knowing that the caves are Arlen's make-out point.
The Company Man : Hank struggles to portray himself and his life as that of a stereotypical Texan cowboy's for a Hollywood cowboy movie fan in order to secure a business deal for Strickland Propane.
The Unbearable Blindness of Laying : Hank's mother bring home her new boyfriend, an affectionate Jewish man named Gary. After Hank sees the two of them having relations, he goes blind.
Meet the Manger Babies : After seeing that Luanne is depressed, Hank volunteers to buy her some hand puppets at a rummage sale. Luanne starts doing a Christian puppet show, The Manger Babies. Hank agrees to play God in the televised version of the puppet show. When it turns out that the show will be on at the same time as the Super Bowl, Hank has to choose between helping Luanne or watching the game.
Snow Job : When Hank's boss, Buck Strickland, has another heart attack, Hank expects to be put in charge of the company while Buck is recuperating. Instead Buck picks Lloyd Vickers, a business-school graduate, and puts Hank in charge of feeding his dogs. At Buck's house, Hank discovers that Buck's stove is electric, not propane. Realizing that Buck is just in propane for the money, Hank considers leaving the propane business and opening up a general store instead.
I Remember Mono : On Valentine's Day, Peggy finds out that Hank lied to her when they were dating: he told her he was at home one week with a football injury, when he actually got mono from kissing another girl. She sets out to uncover the whole truth, and finds herself face to face with the past.
Three Days of the Kahndo : Hank and his family go with Kahn and his family to spend a weekend in a duplex condo in Mexico. When Kahn discovers that only the bottom half of the condo has been rented, he breaks into the top half and lets Hank stay there. Dale shows up to stay with the Hills, and when Hank, Kahn and Dale are arrested for breaking into the upstairs condo, they have to sneak back across the border.
Traffic Jam : After Hank has a car accident, he has to go to traffic school. The teacher of the traffic school is a comedian, Booda Sack, who gets laughs by insulting the audience. Inspired by Booda Sack, Bobby tries developing a stand-up act of his own. Booda Sack tells Bobby that to be funny, he needs to get in touch with his roots as a white man. Looking for something about "white roots" on the internet, Bobby comes across all the material he needs on a site called the White Nationalist Brotherhood.
Hank's Dirty Laundry : When Hank tries to buy a new dryer, he is told that his credit is no good because he owes money to Arlen Video. The video store's computer says he rented and never returned a pornographic movie, Cuffs and Collars. Hank refuses to pay for a movie he never rented, and sets out to prove that the computer was wrong.
The Final Shinsult : When Cotton learns that the U.S. government is giving the artificial leg of General Santa Ana back to Mexico, he teams up with Dale to steal the leg from the Arlen Museum.
Leanne's Saga : When Luanne's mother, Leanne, is released from prison, she starts living in the Hills' garage, and becomes romantically involved with Bill. Bill is busy fighting a foot fungus, with every last dime.
Junkie Business : After Hank realizes that his new employee at Strickland Propane is a drug addict, he can't fire him, because drug addiction counts as a disability under the Americans With Disabilities Act.
Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby's Saga : To teach his son the value of a dollar, Hank makes Bobby get a job selling drinks at the racetrack, and tells Bobby to do everything his boss says. What Hank doesn't know is that Bobby's boss, Jimmy Witchard, is a complete moron who makes Bobby do humiliating and even dangerous tasks. Meanwhile, Boomhauer competes for the right to drive the pace car in the NASCAR race.
Peggy's Turtle Song : After Bobby eats too much sugar one morning, he is mistakenly diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Feeling guilty about not spending enough time with her son, Peggy decides to give up teaching and be a stay-at-home mother, a decision Hank fully approves of. But Peggy is so bored at home that she starts taking guitar lessons, and composes a symbolic song about a turtle trapped in her shell. Meanwhile, Bobby takes pills for his ADD, and Luanne becomes convinced that she caught ADD from Bobby.
Propane Boom : When Mega Lo Mart starts selling propane, Strickland Propane can't compete with their prices, and Hank loses his job. He winds up working in the propane department at Mega Lo Mart, under the supervision of Luanne's boyfriend Buckley. Hank and other Mega Lo Mart employees decide to protest the way the company destroys small businesses, by disrupting a concert by the company spokesman, Chuck Mangione. Meanwhile, Luanne, who wanted Buckley to give her the job that he gave to Hank, tells Buckley she's breaking up with him. And Hank, Luanne and Buckley are the only people in the Mega Lo Mart when Hank notices a leak...
Death of a Propane Salesman : Hank and Luanne survive the Mega Lo Mart explosion, but Buckley is no more. Hank finds that he is scared of propane, and tries to figure out how to deal with his fear of dying. Meanwhile, Luanne, who lost all her hair in the explosion, decides to become an activist like Sinead O'Connor.
And They Call It Bobby Love : Bobby starts dating Marie, a girl who's two years older than him. Bobby takes the relationship more seriously than Marie does, and is heartbroken when she dances with other guys. Marie decides to "move on" leaving Bobby an emotional wreck. Meanwhile, Hank and the guys find an abandoned couch in the alley, and grow to depend on it.
Peggy's Headache : When Peggy starts writing "musings" for the local newspaper, the pressure gives her a headache, so she goes to John Redcorn for a therapeutic massage. When she finds out that Dale's wife Nancy is having an affair with John Redcorn, she is so horrified that she decides to tell Dale about it.
Pregnant Paws : Hank wants to breed Ladybird, but the veterinarian says that she has a narrow uterus and probably can't have children. Hank becomes obsessed with finding a way to get Ladybird pregnant, which annoys Peggy, because she's the one who really wants another baby. Meanwhile, Dale becomes a bounty hunter and is assigned to hunt down a man with several unpaid parking tickets. He decides that he needs a hound to accompany him on his first bounty, so he nabs Ladybird, to Hank's horror.
Next of Shin : Hank tries several different methods to improve his sperm count so he can get Peggy pregnant. The frustration of not being able to have another child becomes worse when Cotton shows up and announces that he got his wife pregnant. But Cotton becomes so nervous at the prospect of having a baby at his age that he flees to Las Vegas, and Hank, Bill and Dale go after him.
Peggy's Pageant Fever : A beauty pageant offers Peggy the chance to win a truck. If she can endure a series of rigorous makeovers to impress the judges.
Nine Pretty Darn Angry Men : Hank is outraged when he attends a lawn mower focus group and discovers that the new model of his favorite mower has been turned into an upgraded "yuppified" version.
Good Hill Hunting : All the kids in the neighborhood are going on their first hunt, but Hank is unable to get a hunting license for him and Bobby. Bobby is so upset about being denied the chance at a rite of passage that he starts to regress into acting like a little kid. Hank reluctantly decides to take Bobby hunting at the La Grunta Resort.
Pretty, Pretty Dresses : At Christmastime, Bill becomes even more depressed than usual, because it's the anniversary of when his wife Lenore left him. Bill tries to commit suicide, and when that doesn't work out, he dresses up in Lenore's old clothes and declares that he is Lenore.
A Firefighting We Will Go : Hank and his friends become volunteer firefighters. They manage to wreck a fire hydrant, ruin a funeral, and finally burn down the Arlen firehouse. When the Fire Captain comes to ask what happened, the trio turns the story around to match each of their scenarios.
To Spank, with Love : After being taunted and pantsed by one of her students, Peggy loses it and spanks him. She is immediately fired, but Cotton and his old buddies start a campaign to get "Paddlin' Peggy" reinstated. Once she is back teaching, Peggy uses her reputation for violence to scare her students, and takes things too far, in true Peggy fashion.
Three Coaches and a Bobby : Hank gets his tough old football coach to lead Bobby's football team. When the coach proves to be a tyrant, Bobby decides to quit football and join the soccer team, much to Hank's disappointment. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to fit in with the other soccer moms, and takes a crash course from Minh on Soccer-mom etiquette.
De-Kahnstructing Henry : Kahn gets a great new job and invites Hank over to the office, hoping to make him jealous. While bragging about his job, Kahn gives away government secrets, swearing Hank to secrecy. Hank talks to Bill about Kahn's job, and Kahn gets fired for it.
Sleight of Hank : Hank and Peggy go to a magic show where Peggy gets to be the volunteer in the best trick. Hank tries to figure out how the trick was done, and Peggy won't tell him. Meanwhile, Bobby is looking for a way to liven up his Sunday School report on Jesus, and when he sees the magician, he incorporates some of the tricks and patter into the report, calling it "The Amazing Jesus."
Jon Vitti Presents: "Return to La Grunta" : Hank gets Luanne a job as a golf course drink girl at the La Grunta resort. In gratitude, Luanne gets Hank a chance to swim with a dolphin. Hank pets the dolphin, and the dolphin becomes aroused and tries to become sexually intimate with him. In return for his silence, the hotel pays him off, and Hank tells Luanne never to talk about what happened. Luanne gets sexually harassed by one of the golfers, she decides to follow Hank's example and not talk about it.
Escape from Party Island : Hank takes his mother and her friends to a museum of miniatures in Port Aransas, and they get stuck in the middle of MTV's Spring Break. Meanwhile, Bill tries to put the moves on Peggy while Hank is away.
Love Hurts... and So Does Art : Worried at the prospect of going to a school dance with Connie, Bobby starts overeating at the local deli, and develops gout. Meanwhile, Hank goes to an art gallery in Dallas and finds that they are displaying an X-ray of his constipated colon.
Hank's Cowboy Movie : After Hank and Bobby visit the Dallas Cowboys training camp in Wichita Falls, Hank decides to make a video that will convince the team to move their camp to Arlen.
Dog Dale Afternoon : When Dale brings home a new 'Super Mower' the neighbors are jealous, but his attitude leaves everyone with a bad taste in their mouths. To knock him down a few notches, the crew decides to hide his new mower, & make it look like a conspiracy, Peggy gets involved and it goes too far. Dale gets pushed over the edge & it is Hank that goes to help him back down.
Revenge of the Lutefisk : Arlen's new minister is a woman, which everyone except Cotton seems to accept. When Bobby eats all of a Midwestern fish dish prepared by the minister, it somehow leads to him accidentally burning down the church. Everyone assumes that Cotton did it, and he is arrested for a hate crime.
Death and Texas : Peggy gets a letter from a Death Row convict who says that he is a former student of hers, and that she had the most positive impact on his life. She starts visiting him in prison and bringing him what she thinks is timer sand for Boggle -- not realizing that it's actually cocaine. Meanwhile, Dale wants to become an executioner.
Wings of the Dope : While studying for her beauty school exam, Luanne sees someone bouncing on Buckley's old trampoline. It's Buckley, who has come back as an angel. Hank and Peggy think Luanne was hallucinating after using too many hair-dying chemicals, but Hank's friends come to believe in the existence of Buckley's Angel. But Luanne finds that Buckley isn't much more help to her as an angel than he was when he was alive.
Take Me Out of the Ball Game : When Thaterton stacks his Company softball team with Pro sports stars, Hank pulls Peggy off of her own Softball team to become the Ace pitcher for Strickland Propane. Unfortunately, Hank's over-managing causes her to lose her stuff, and cause her to lose the love for the sport.
As Old as the Hills... : Peggy and Hank's 20th-anniversary party leaves the missus missing their youth; and a bottle of tequila is the highlight of their private revelry.
Cotton's Plot : Freed from a six-week body cast, non-ambulatory Peggy takes physical therapy from Cotton, who drills her military style. Meanwhile, Hank's pals make use of her cast.
Bills Are Made to Be Broken : Bill is accepting, but Hank isn't, when opposing players lie down to let an injured high-school jock break Bill's touchdown record.
Aisle 8A : Hank is the only one home when houseguest Connie has her first encounter with menstruation--and neither knows what to do. Meanwhile, someone has to explain PMS to Bobby.
Happy Hank's Giving : Hank's propane-smoked turkey is a casualty in "a war called 'Thanksgiving at the Airport'" as weather stalls the Hills' trip to Peggy's folks in Montana.
Not in My Back-hoe : Jealous of Hank's new acquaintance, Bill and Dale give Hank an ultimatum, and compound their mistake when they try to make amends.
To Kill a Ladybird : Bobby's affection for a raccoon brings problems when Hank's dog Ladybird and Dale get into fights with the ersatz pet that could be rabid.
Hillennium : A propane shortage gives Hank Y2K fears that alter his Christmas-gift plans; Dale's stash of hoarded goods is destroyed by a hamster that he was planning to use for food.
Rodeo Days : Bobby's new calling is rodeo roping, but his first experience with livestock introduces him to an ambition even greater--at least to Bobby.
Naked Ambition : Bobby's accidental glimpse of a naked Luanne has Joseph yearning to get his own look. But Connie catches them trying to peep, and thinks she's the target.
Bill of Sales : Bill becomes Peggy's star--and only--salesman in a health-food sales operation, and his profits net them a trip to a conference in San Antonio, where they must share a room.
Hank's Bad Hair Day : After his lifelong barber loses it, Hank turns to Army haircutter Bill, who does a fine job on his first civilian head, but at a Government price, prompting Hank to declare war.
Meet the Propaniacs : Bobby's impromptu comedy at a propane sale prompts Strickland to send him on the road to entertain at other outlets, leading to a big trade show in front of the Texas propane president.
Nancy Boys : After joining the Hills for a free romantic dinner, the Gribbles sleep together, and guilt grabs Nancy for cheating on her lover, John Redcorn.
Transnational Amusements Presents: Peggy's Magic Sex Feet : Peggy's embarrassment about her big feet ends when she meets a fetishist who directs her in a video Hank thinks is dirty, but Peggy approves of--wholefootedly.
The Perils of Polling : Bobby's act of heroism leads the Hills to a meeting with candidate George Dub-Ya, who turns Hank's vote from sure to tentative with the shake of a hand.
The Buck Stops Here : Bobby becomes Strickland's personal caddy and picks up some bad habits. Meanwhile, Peggy and Minh compete to donate the most blood.
I Don't Want to Wait... : As Hank builds coffins for his family, Bobby struggles with the fact that he's still treated as a child even as Joseph laments how awkward adulthood is for him.
Peggy Makes the Big Leagues : The Booster Club sends a distraught Hank to talk to Peggy after she fails the football team's star fullback and gets him suspended from the team.
When Cotton Comes Marching Home : Cash-flow problems plague Hank's father, who's forced to work a menial job on Veterans Day instead of marching in the parade.
What Makes Bobby Run? : Bobby goes all-out to become school mascot, a high-profile post that suffers a low blow when he avoids a time-honored tradition.
'Twas the Nut Before Christmas : Bill counters his holiday loneliness by becoming a generous Santa, attracting a nice single mother and a young slacker who takes advantage.
Chasing Bobby : Peggy thinks Hank's tears are indicative of a father-son void, but they're really about his truck, which looks headed for pickup-truck heaven.
Yankee Hankie : While a distraught Hank tries to deal with the fact that he wasn't born in Texas, Cotton and his buddies once again make plans to assassinate Fidel Castro.
Hank and the Great Glass Elevator : Bill and former Texas governor Ann Richards hit it off after a chance meeting resulting from Hank's reluctant prank in an Austin hotel.
Now Who's the Dummy? : Bobby's ventriloquist's dummy gets more of Hank's attention than Bobby, but it's Dale who harbors a grudge against the wooden being.
Ho Yeah! : Unaware that the new employee at Strickland Propane is a prostitute, Peggy becomes her best friend and even offers her a place to stay--Hank's den.
The Exterminator : Repeated exposure to poisons forces Dale out of extermination and into a desk job that leads him back into extermination--of careers.
Luanne Virgin 2.0 : As Luanne's sponsor in a sexual-abstinence program, Peggy has to testify about her lifetime total of sexual partners--and it's more than one.
It's Not Easy Being Green : Hank joins Bobby's environmental effort, but only to preserve a long-time cover-up concerning a mishap with Boomhauer's car in high school.
Hank's Back Story : Wearing a prosthetic rump relieves Hank's back pain, but makes him the butt of friends' jokes as they all prepare for a riding-mower race.
Soldier of Misfortune : After an accident at his gun club destroys Dale's confidence, Peggy proposes sending him on a bogus mercenary mission, which he fouls up.
The Father, the Son, and J.C. : Hank's emotional outburst pushes him further from his father, so Bobby drafts Jimmy Carter to broker a Christmas peace.
Father of the Bribe : After Bobby feigns taking Connie's father's bribe to break up with her, Connie lets her grades slip to show how upset she is without him.
I'm with Cupid : Bobby adjusts to his breakup with Connie, until Bill's depressing experiences break his spirit. So Hank sends him to ladies' man Boomhauer.
Joust Like a Woman : Peggy leads a troupe of "wenches" to protest their unfair treatment at the Renaissance Faire, where Hank is trying to land a big-money propane account.
Unfortunate Son : Cotton's financially strapped VFW group moves into Hank's home, prompting Hank to recruit Vietnam vets, to whom Cotton doesn't exactly cotton.
Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret Hill : Unable to find a full-time teaching job, Peggy pretends to be a nun to land a position at a Catholic school, ending her budding career at Strickland Propane.
Tankin' It to the Streets : After learning the Army used him as a guinea pig for an experimental drug, Bill gets drunk and steals a tank. And it's up to his friends to try to return it.
Of Mice and Little Green Men : When Hank and Dale find more interest in the activities of the other's son, Dale concludes he's not Joseph's father--and that an alien is.
A Man Without a Country Club : Kahn covets membership in an all-Asian country club, but it's Hank who's asked to join--as a token white to secure a PGA tournament.
Beer and Loathing : Peggy gets a job at Alamo Beer, but a clause in her contract prevents her from telling Hank why Texas is completely devoid of the brew for the next 36 hours.
Fun with Jane and Jane : Oblivious to its cultlike ways, Luanne joins a sorority and gets Peggy in too; Hank and the boys rescue emus from death, but don't know what to do with them.
My Own Private Rodeo : Hank learns that the incident estranging Dale from his cowboy father was a cover to keep him in the dark about Dad being in the closet.
Dang Ol' Love : Bill is heartbroken when the beautiful jogger he's pining for falls for Boomhauer, who is in turn heartbroken himself when the jogger dumps him.
Returning Japanese (1) : The Hills are off to Japan so Cotton can apologize to the widow of a soldier he killed in WWII, but something about Cotton's story doesn't quite add up.
Bad Girls, Bad Girls, Whatcha Gonna Do : Connie's delinquent cousin captivates Bobby, who's oblivious when she turns their science project into a drug lab.
Goodbye Normal Jeans : Hank is opposed to Bobby's taking Home Economics, until his domestic skills outshine those of Peggy, who tries to sabotage his Thanksgiving meal.
The Texas Skillsaw Massacre : Hank is ordered to take an anger-management class after accidentally cutting one of Dale's fingers off. Dale claims it was retaliation for his causing Hank's kitchen floor to collapse.
Full Metal Dust Jacket : Seeking an invitation to a book club, Peggy takes over the lease for a bookstore, where business is a bust--until she lets Dale sell guns there, too.
An Officer and a Gentle Boy : To toughen up Bobby, Hank decides to send him to Cotton's old boot camp, unaware that lawsuits have altered the severe conditions.
The Miseducation of Bobby Hill : Despite a lack of seasoning that Hank deems mandatory, Bobby becomes a whiz at selling propane grills; Bill takes an inadvertent balloon ride.
I Never Promised You an Organic Garden : Peggy takes over the organic garden at Bobby's school, but an insect infestation threatens her hope of making the post permanent.
Maid in Arlen : To escape her daughter-in-law, Kahn's mother does maid work for the Hills, and for Bill, who finds the woman romantically made-to-order.
Patch Boomhauer : When Boomhauer's brother, Patch, announces he's getting married to Boomhauer's old girlfriend, Hank mistakenly comes to believe that Boomhauer is out to sabotage the wedding.
The Incredible Hank : Peggy overdoes it when she secretly slips Hank a testosterone supplement to combat his work-related stress. But he feels great, until he finds out.
Flirting with the Master : A Latin TV star hires Peggy to come to his home in Mexico to tutor his kids, but Peggy senses his interest is not entirely academic.
Rich Hank, Poor Hank : Hank's thriftiness and reluctance to talk about money leads Bobby to believe he's wealthy, a rumor that spreads through the neighborhood.
Ceci N'Est Pas Une King of the Hill : Peggy's entry into the art world is rejected at first, then applauded by a dealer whose promotional method leaves her drawn.
Phish and Wildlife : The boys' annual camping trip is disturbed by a gathering of hippies, who share their food with Bobby and expect sharing in return.
Après Hank, le Deluge : During a flood, Hank's position as emergency-shelter team leader is usurped by Bill when Hank is drafted to watch over a fragile dam.
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Alamo : Ignorance of the Alamo in Bobby's Texas History class prompts Hank to help organize a reenactment, but the author's version is revisionist.
Hank's Back : Hank starts taking yoga classes after injuring his back at work; Peggy bags groceries at a mom and pop store that's having a hard time competing against Megalomart.
The Redneck on Rainey Street : After Connie becomes a victim of reverse discrimination, Kahn gives up his hopes and dreams and embraces the life of a hillbilly.
Death Buys a Timeshare : Hank accompanies Cotton and his new friend Bill to Mexico to try to keep them from buying timeshare properties. But the salesmen are determined.
Dale to the Chief : Hank's fight to correct an error on his driver's license is a red flag to newly patriotic Dale, who reports Hank as a threat to national security.
The Petriot Act : Hank excitedly joins a new military program that allows civilians to adopt pets while G.I.s serve their tour of duty but the dog, Duke, turns out to be a mean-spirited cat.
Mutual of Omabwah : Hank's lapsed insurance policy puts him in an overprotective state, while Bill and Boomhauer carelessly experiment with deep-frying.
Care-Takin' Care of Business : Covert work by Hank and the boys turns a befuddled groundskeeper into a hero when his field is credited with hampering opponents.
Arlen City Bomber : Peggy follows Luanne onto a roller-derby team, where the tight-fisted owner prompts her to lead a revolt and form a team on borrowed money.
Redcorn Gambles with His Future : John Redcorn tries to open a Native American gambling casino to provide a venue for his band, Big Mountain Fudgecake.
Gone with the Windstorm : Peggy helps weather-girl Nancy fight back when she's replaced by a qualified meteorologist. Also, a boy barking like a dog scares Bobby.
Hank's on Board : Hank discovers that Dale and Boomhauer take yearly vacations together, and assumes that they are trying to avoid Bill. He invites his family and Bill along for a weekend at the beach, but during the trip, Hank realizes that his friends are actually trying to avoid him because he’s uptight and bossy. Peggy advises Hank to throw caution to the wind and have some fun with his buddies, but the results leave Hank and the guys overboard.
Bystand Me : When the Arlen Bystander gets a new editor, Peggy gets a job writing a household hints column. Except Peggy doesn't know any household hints, so she gets Minh to supply her with housekeeping tips in exchange for the answers to the New York Times crossword puzzles. Meanwhile, Hank makes Bobby get a paper route.
Bill's House : After Bill nurses Hank, Peggy and Bobby through the flu, he starts to feel lonely when there is no one else to take care of. Hank gets Bill to volunteer at a halfway house for alcoholics, and Bill invites the residents to stay with him. As more and more houseguests show up, Hank becomes determined to find them a permanent residence. Meanwhile, Peggy makes a promise to God that if she gets over the flu, she'll learn to ride a bike, and Bobby makes her keep her promise.
Harlottown : When Hank and Peggy try to clean up a historic Arlen landmark, they find out that the town was founded by harlots and was once a place of ill-repute. The new city manager uses the city's rediscovered history to turn the town into a tourist trap for the adult porn industry. Frustrated by the changes, Hank decides to move the family – that is, until he is aided by adult actress Candee.
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Clown : Hoping to get Bobby to stop cracking jokes in school, Hank enrolls Bobby in a clown class at the local community college. The pretentious instructor teaches Bobby classical comedic theory and sucks all the fun out of him.
Orange You Sad I Did Say Banana? : Kahn is accused of having become so assimilated that he's a "banana" -- the Asian equivalent of an "Oreo." To get back to his Laotian heritage, Kahn adopts a simple lifestyle and abandons the swimming pool his neighbors helped build.
You Gotta Believe (In Moderation) : In order to raise money to save the Tom Landry Middle School baseball program, Hank invites a Harlem Globetrotters-type softball team to compete against his community league Arlen Zephyrs. But Hank ruins the show by deciding to take the game seriously.
Business Is Picking Up : When Bobby attends the school's job shadow program, he winds up interning for Peter Sterling, a man who runs a pooper-scooper business. Bobby is so impressed by Peter that he decides to pursue the same career. Meanwhile, Hank is trying to train Joseph at Strickland Propane.
The Year of Washing Dangerously : Hank gets sucked into Kahn's get-rich-quick scheme when Kahn buys the car wash that hosts car cruising on Friday nights. But Kahn wrecks the business by trying to cut corners, and gets bought out by Buck Strickland. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to figure out if Nancy is deliberately refusing to take her calls.
Hank Fixes Everything : Buck Strickland embarks on a propane price war with Thatherton and two other rivals, and hires the guys from "American Chopper" to boost sales at the Propane Expo. When the 'war' goes too far, and the companies are all losing profit, Hank takes matters into his own hands, and calls a meeting. Unfortunately, the owners decide to 'price fix' and get caught. Meanwhile, Lucky and Luanne wait for Brownsville Station tickets, in line 6 days before tickets go on sale.
Church Hopping : When Reverend Stroup gives the Hills' pew at the Arlen First Methodist Church to another family, Hank and his family decide to find another church. A slick pastor tries to bribe the Hills into worshipping at his Megachurch.
24 Hour Propane People : When Buck gets banned from his favorite strip club, he refocuses on making Strickland Propane a "fun" place to work. He makes his employees dress in costumes, have sleepovers in the office and use hip catchphrases. It's up to Hank to get everyone focused on selling propane again.
The Texas Panhandler : Instead of getting a job, Bobby and Joseph discover that they can make more money, and look cooler, by hanging out on street corners and begging.
Hank's Bully : A young boy, Caleb, starts following Hank around, making fun of him and generally annoying him. Hank isn't sure how to deal with such a young bully.
Edu-macating Lucky : Lucky asks Peggy to help him get his GED in the hopes of improving his chances of marrying Luanne. Peggy intentionally teaches him the wrong information so he'll fail and give up the idea of marrying her niece, but then she starts to suspect that Luanne might be pregnant.
The Peggy Horror Picture Show : Feeling unfeminine after a clothing exchange party with the neighborhood girls, Hank offers Peggy a new pair of shoes. After finding that her usual place in Lubbock is out of business, she stumbles upon 'Clairissa's Closet', and a new best friend, Carolyn. They become the best of friends, until Peggy finds out that Carolyn is a he, and Carolyn finds that Peggy is a she.
SerPUNt : When Bobby's snakes gets into the toilet Hank decides to call Animal Control. But instead of taking care of the problem they make the city believe that the problem is worse than it is causing panic. Now it is up to Dale to save the city.
Blood and Sauce : The guys discuss what they want to pass on to their children, Bill becomes despondent because he doesn’t have any. In an effort to cheer him up, they help Bill put together a Dauterive family reunion, only to be thwarted by the realization that Bill only has one living relative. Bill winds up sharing an incredible barbeque with his neighbors and teaches Bobby the secret sauce recipe.
Luanne Gets Lucky : When Lucky ditches Luanne to go stumping with Hank and the gang, Luanne accepts an invitation to attend Arlen High School's Senior Prom. Lucky's friends Mud Dobber and Elvin take it upon themeselves bully Luanne's 15-year-old date.
Hank Gets Dusted : Hank is crestfallen when Cotton gives his beloved Cadillac to Cousin Dusty, however things get even worse when Dusty shows up at Hank's house with a reality TV show crew.
Glen Peggy Glen Ross : Peggy loses her job at The Arlen Bystander and begins a new career as a real estate agent. Meanwhile, after Dale buys a set of titanium golf clubs at a police auction, he gives the clubs to Hank. However, Hank has trouble playing with a set of clubs that once belonged to a convicted murderer.
The Passion of Dauterive : After Bill survives a roof cave-in over his bed he has a religious experience which involves a romantic liaison with Reverend Stroup.
Peggy’s Gone to Pots : Peggy tries to reach the pinnacle of real estate success by selling houses in the exclusive neighborhood of Arlen Heights, but she winds up selling pots door to door. Meanwhile the real Rusty Shackleford pays a visit to Dale.
Hair Today, Gone Today : Nancy turns to her mother for help when the stress of home life and unresolved feelings for Redcorn cause her hair to fall out.
Bill, Bulk and the Body Buddies : Bill has to shape up for an upcoming Army physical, but when he becomes friends with a group of body builders he becomes aggressive and develops a bad attitude. Hank and the gang have to come to the rescue.
Lucky's Wedding Suit : When Lucky wants to give Luanne the expensive wedding that she desires, he sues Dale with a frivolous lawsuit after having an accident on the job. After Lucky's lawyer finds out that Dale does not have insurance, he goes after Strickland Propane.
Suite Smells of Excess : When the guys take Bobby to a college football game, their hijinks land them in a VIP box suite and calling plays for the visiting team.
Bobby Rae : To impress a girl, Bobby protests against soda machines in the school. However, since the teachers have been using the drink machine money to pay for their "retreat", they decide to fight back. Meanwhile, Dale decides to record his friends' witty quotes and put them all in a book.
The Powder Puff Boys : Hank encourages Bobby when he is asked to cheerleader for the girls in the school's annual Powder Puff game. Bobby soon learns that there is a tradition and Hank, Bill, Dale and Principal Moss were once "Powder Puff Boys" themselves. However, the boys learn that Peggy and the PTA Are trying to put a stop to the tradition.
Four Wave Intersection : Arlen is hit by a heat wave and Hank and the gang take the kids to the water park. Unfortunately, when they have to tangle with a group of surfer bullies, Boomhauer, who is usually cool, winds up embarrassing himself. Meanwhile, Bill becomes known as the famous "Heat-Waver" when he begins to stand on the side of the highway and wave to motorists.
Death Picks Cotton : When the family goes out to a restaurant where the food is cooked at the table Cotton throws a tantrum and gets into a fight with the chef. The fight leaves Cotton near death in the hospital.
Tears of an Inflatable Clown : Bobby gets mixed up with racial intolerance at Tom Landry Junior High. Meanwhile, Lucky hurts himself by catching a frisbee made of barbed wire and the gang has to convince him to go to the hospital.
The Minh Who Knew Too Much : Mihn joins the Arlen Gun Club so that she can practise her skeet-shooting skills and become a member of the Nine Rivers Country Club team. However, Minh loses track of the goal when she starts to identify with her "hillbilly" neighbors.
Dream Weaver : After they have financial troubles, Nancy convinces Dale to go on a "vocation vacation" to learn a new career. Unfortunately, Dale picks basket-weaving, and he's not very good at it. Meanwhile, Peggy, Bill and Kahn try to create the next great Internet video.
Doggone Crazy : Ladybird is put on a list of vicious dogs after she gets a little crazy and bites Hank. Afterwards, Hank is urged by a veterinarian to take Ladybird to a "dog spiritualist".
Trans-Fascism : Hank helps Buck Strickland battle the Arlen City Council and a rival restaurant after "Sugarfoots" loses its business due to a local ban on the sale of foods containing trans fats.
Untitled Blake McCormack Project : Bill falls in love after he has a blind date with Charlene, a hot single mother. However, Dale's intuition tells him something is not quite right with the whole situation.
The Accidental Terrorist : Hank buys Peggy a new car, and like he has always done he pays sticker price for it. However, after he realizes that he has been ripped off for years, he plots revenge against the car salesman.
Lady and Gentrification : Hank's agrees to speak at Enrique's daughter's quinceañera. However, some of Peggy's real-estate clients fall in love with the quaint Mexican neighborhood and start to move in.
Pour Some Sugar on Kahn : Kahn escapes to the bar and takes up Karaoke after Minh's father comes to visit. Meanwhile, Bobby and Peggy compete in an escalating game where they try to outdo each other.
Six Characters in Search of a House : Peggy has trouble selling a house when she realizes that the current residents are scaring away the buyers, so she hires actors to play their parts.
The Courtship of Joseph's Father : Dale's son becomes the star quarterback for Landry High School, but Dale pushes the boy to accept a private school's offer, which includes a cash contract.
Strangeness on a Train : Stressed that her birthday parties never live up to her expectations, Peggy plans herself a disco-themed party on a mystery train, but after Luanne ruins the surprise, Peggy worries her parties will always end badly. However, a new mystery arises after a couple sneaks away for some private time in the train bathroom, and the partygoers must figure out who did it.
Cops and Robert : Bobby has to work as a deputy for the school's police officer after he is framed for throwing a soda can. Meanwhile, Hank accidentally takes the wallet of a man he thought stole his own wallet, however when he tries to return the wallet the man does not take it too well.
It Came from the Garage : Wanting to spend some quality time with his son, Hank distracts Dale, Bill and Boomhauer with a boat building competition. However, when bats attack the construction garage, Hank has to give up his idea of spending time with Bobby.
Life: A Loser's Manual : Luanne's long-lost father and Peggy's brother Hoyt, a two-strike felon, comes to Arlen. After Hoyt gets caught committing another crime, Lucky feels bad and takes the blame, leaving Hoyt free to continue his life of crime.
Dia-BILL-ic Shock : Bill's love of sugary snacks causes diabetes. After a doctor tells Bill that he will lose his legs he decides to start using a wheelchair. Once he is wheelchair bound he finds camaraderie with Thunder, a wheelchair sports enthusiast. Things turn around for Bill until Thunder finds out that Bill does not really need the wheelchair.
Earthy Girls Are Easy : When a local paper plans to run a story about Strickland Propane dumping old propane tanks into the river, Hank suggests that the company go green. Dale, in an attempt to impress the ladies, organizes an Earth benefit concert.
Square-Footed Monster : Hank and the guys do a good deed when they fix-up a neighborhood house, however after Ted Wassonasong buys the house he decides to knock down the house and build a mansion.
Lost in MySpace : Hank has bad feelings when Mr. Strickland decides to create a MySpace page for Strickland Propane. Hank's fears come true when Donna posts personal videos and information to the web site.
No Bobby Left Behind : In order to raise the school's average for standardized tests, Principal Moss classifies Bobby as a low achievement student. However, the plan backfires after Bobby is placed in a class where he no longer has to do homework and doesn't have to take the tests.
A Bill Full of Dollars : Peggy, Minh and Dale play the stock market together, however they lose money in their initial investment. To improve their odds they decide to study the consumer habits of an "average man" and Bill becomes the subject of their study. Meanwhile, after Peggy buys the family a new flat screen TV, Hank and Bobby have difficulty figuring out all the advanced features.
Straight as an Arrow : Hank tries to help Bobby become a member of the Order of the Straight Arrow, but he disagrees with the "Arrowmaster" who is a new member of Arlen. Meanwhile, Peggy gets involved in the disagreement as she is the local Welcome Wagon representative.
Lucky See, Monkey Do : Lucky's sister Myrna and her children attend a baby shower in which Peggy is throwing for Luanne. It doesn't take long before Myrna and Peggy clash over how the children will be raised by Luanne, with Peggy wanting the good, old fashioned skills where as Myrna likes the more modern way and by the book.
What Happens at the National Propane Gas Convention in Memphis Stays at the National Propane Gas Convention in Memphis : The Propane Hall of Fame is inducting Buck Strickland this year and he has asked Hank to come with him to make sure he stays out of trouble. This becomes a hard task after Buck meets his illegitimate son while at the event in Memphis.
Master of Puppets : Bobby is left waiting at the mall when Hank and Peggy's date goes long. Feeling his parents' guilt, Bobby uses the incident to pit each against one another to show him their affection. Soon, Peggy and Hank stop giving him anything Bobby wants and he demands they spend more time with him.
Bwah My Nose : Hank and the gang get a rematch for the high-school championship game they lost, when Bill accidentally breaks Hank's nose during a practice. He gets it fixed by a plastic surgeon and loves his new nose—maybe too much.
Uncool Customer : After Peggy finds out that she is not cool she befriends one of Arlen's most glamorous and cool moms in an effort to learn how to be cool. Bobby befriends her daughter, a girl named Michael Savage.
Nancy Does Dallas : After Nancy takes a glamorous new job in Dallas and temporarily leaving Dale behind he finds the freedom of the bachelor life too hard to handle.
Born Again on the Fourth of July : Bobby is offered an intervention at the church, after Hank becomes upset by his misbehavior. Meanwhile, Hank and his pals challenge a rival neighborhood to a Fourth of July fireworks showdown
Serves Me Right for Giving General George S. Patton the Bathroom Key : Hank discovers that his father's last requests are a collection of bizarre tasks including the wish to have his ashes flushed down a toilet that General George S. Patton once used. Meanwhile, Bill and Dale bicker over an empty beer can.
Bad News Bill : Hank is troubled when Bobby's Little League Coach is hassling Bobby about his lack of ability until Hank realizes that the Coach is only trying to make Bobby a better player.
Uh-Oh Canada : After Boomhauer trades houses with a Canadian family for the summer the Arlen gang tries to make some new neighbors at feel welcome. However it soon becomes apparent that Canadians and Arlenites do not see eye to eye.
The Boy Can't Help It : Bobby becomes quite the ladies' man when several girls in his class consider him a potential date for the Homecoming dance, but Hank is worried that Bobby is being used.
To Sirloin with Love : Thankful to finally have something in common with his son, Hank is proud when Bobby’s knowledge of beef earns him a spot on a college team bound for the State Championships.
The Honeymooners : Hank is shocked when his mother announces she is marrying a man she has only known for a few weeks. Soon after, the newlyweds celebrate by purchasing an RV and heading to Hank's. When Hank's mom and new stepfather have a heated argument, she takes off with the RV and Hank is left to rescue his mother once again.
Bill Gathers Moss : Bill decides to get a roommate to bring adventure into his life, but Hank is weary of letting Bill making his own choice and pairs him with Principal Moss who lost his home in a divorce. Unfortunately, the two don't get along and things only get worse when Bill tries to fix it himself.
When Joseph Met Lori, and Made Out with Her in the Janitor's Closet : When Joseph is caught making out with a girl, Dale has to come to grips with the fact that his "little man" is becoming simply a man. In his efforts to curb his son's hormones, Dale starts making mistakes that make even him question his own sanity.
Just Another Manic Kahn-Day : Hank inadvertently advises Kahn not to pick up his medication at the pharmacy, which Kahn needs to stabilize his manic-depression. Meanwhile, Bobby tries to find the humor in a "Raymond J. Johnson, Jr." comedy record after his parents and other adults claim it is funny.
Movie Theater PSA For The Will Rogers Institute : Originally shown to moviegoers in the summer of 2000. Though long thought to be lost, it was uploaded to the Will Rogers Institute's official YouTube channel on March 8, 2019.
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